Category Archives: oh, whatever.

Believing in Yourself

Sorry for the super long hiatus – as I always say…hehe.

I quit my job as u know. Lazed around, went to Taiwan for a month and enjoyed myself and wanna go back again (which I will I promise)

And I found another job. Same line. Just another place with much better working hours, pay and benefits.

So when I went to see my future employer (who is very scary by the way) she said something that struck me: ‘Well, all in all, you have to believe in yourself.’

I heard that before from my previous employer, except in different words :’ Trust no one but yourself.’

And my retort to that (my thoughts la, I didn’t voice it out): ‘How if I don’t trust myself?’

So how? You know how you get all those feel-good cards or sayings, all telling you to believe in yourself etc etc etc.But then I always find it hard. Especially if the decisions you make may cost a life. Then how?

Then, you’d get the ‘Trust God’ – yah, but not all of us have that unwavering faith every second of the day, and hear God’s voice every single moment (especially during those adrenalin rush moments)

I suppose, where I am now, I am not to bad la huh? Made some mistakes, made big ones, small tiny ones..

I suppose I shouldn’t focus on the negatives. And no, I”m not trying to draw sympathy or encouragement.. I just need to remind myself that if God made me, I am ok and alright. 🙂

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Welcome to my world


Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like, what it’s like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it’s like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

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What does my handwriting say about me

Handwriting Analysis

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

True true

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I don’t think I am an encourager

Good Advice

Seems like I give some good advice.
*my head is growing bigger and I am so feeling proud of myself*

Surprised actually. I didn't think that was good advice. I just wanted to encourage her with some humour. But yeah, at least my humour was appreciated here.

Most of the time, when there is someone around me (those that I am not close to) who is feeling down, feeling sad and all that, I hesitate to say anything. Why? Cos my encouragement always either falls to deaf ears or mostly, unappreciated. I don't expect people to say OH THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT KNOW? neither do I expect them to retort back or withdraw in horror that I actually said what I said. Saying all those cliche things like, it will be alright, don't worry, God is with you yadayada is really redundant. So, I always tend to say things in a light and humourous way, u know, make it LOOK n seem better but till now, I think only Mia knows how to appreciate my kind of humour. *deep breath* So, doesn't matter, I am only going to encourage someone who knows how to receive it.

To those who don't appreciate what I say, I am still going to encourage you, how you react – it's your blardee problem. Hey. Lighten up. DOn't view things where there is black and white only. There are areas of gray.

Talking about being so rigid..there was this incident or rather conversation.

A group of guys were going to play pool and I was already in conversation with P. P is humourous, and he got my thread very easily, u know, being sarcastic and all that.

mr x came along and said,"come! the guys are going to play pool together! a guy's thing u know?"

I smiled, and asked P," you sure u going P? it's for the guys!"

Mr X looked at me funny and said, "Yah he is a guy what." And gave me that what-the-hell-u talking about look

P caught it and continued playing on.. but Mr X till then didn't know what the hell was goign on and why I was having the conversation.

BECAUSE OF FUN! I know, sometimes it has to be serious, but look, we spend most of our uni time in lectures being serious, we work, we face serious people – just relax and have fun. Ok. I am talking about caregroup here. Sometimes I feel that we have to so politically correct – to me it just defeats the purpose of having a CARE group.

I have sort of distracted myself. hehe gone way off. But u get what I mean. When things are gloomy, why choose to dwell in the clouds when the sun is nearby? I have been gloomy before, I have chose to dwell in the clouds before and it is not great fun.

Haiyah. Only those who sort of know me will understand what I am rattling on about.

I just was so SHOCKED that Mia actually put that up and thot that was good. I thot this was just being me. THanks Mia. 🙂

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You aren’t that great after all

Look back a few entries and you will see that I have been writing about the TVB series that I was obsessed with about a week ago.

I re-watched some episodes I conveniently fast-forwarded in my haste to see what happened in the end and got my inspiration back! part of it lah.

It's about how the various concubines and the emperoress/empress/ shit I can't spell (how to spell ah?) fighting among each other to gain the emperor's favour.It's not a normal kind of fight – like abuse thrown at each other kind, but those little plots and little underhanded means, framing each other things that go on all the time. You gotta watch it, whoever wrote the script and story is good.

Well, after watching them fight the shits out, framing each other, blah blah. I had this thought: WHAT SO BIG ABOUT THE EMPEROR? Yes, he was the head of the biggest country in the world, but in the end he still is smaller than the one up there. Chinese believe so much in fate, in destiny, in 'shang tian' and that 'qian' thing (you know where they go kneel in front of the god and shake that thing (sounds not good) until a stick drops out?) In the end, the emperor is still under that system – goes to the gods to gain favour from them, prays etc. In the end, HE IS NOT THAT GREAT. So, I thought really those poor concubines fighting their lives out was really dumb. Well, I suppose in that era, it was A REALLY BIG THING especially being in the Emperor's favour will also gain you FACE and your family FACE. That was what it was all about, FACE.

Now, it's still about face. About how much glam you gain. Dui bu dui? Especially in such a country as Singapore. Hmm. When people first meet each other, besides the HOW ARE YOU? blah blah. the next question: WHAT DO YOU DO? That seems to be like what people base on to know you – it's not about who you are but what you do? True no? Yes, we can do what we love to do, be it glam or unglam, pple will still view you (esp first impressions) based on WHAT you are doing, not who you are inside. Well, I am generalising of course, I am not saying that everyone is like that – I am sure there are still quite a lot who have an open mind and are sincere about making friends.

Anyways, coming back to my emperor story, it just goes to say, really, we aren't that great, becos in the end, we are still in the hands of the one up there. There may be times where you didn't believe that your fate was in the hands of the Big One and so you fight like a mad cow but come back torn & beaten. I am sure there were some incidents where you find yourselves walking in circles. I am not a Bible-basher or forcing any believes or anything. I am just trying to say – we are not that great anyway. Even President George W Bush has to pray to God in times when he is confused, lost. suo wei, mou shi zai ren, cheng shi zai tian (how to translate? – ask your chinese frens hehe) Be a bit more humble, it really doesn't do any harm.

p/s: pls don't just wait there for your destiny/fate to come onto you- doesn't work that way either unfortunately. Do what you can, do your best, and pray that it will happen.
As I-can't-remember-who keeps telling me: God only helps those who helps themselves

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