Category Archives: aargh

Believing in Yourself

Sorry for the super long hiatus – as I always say…hehe.

I quit my job as u know. Lazed around, went to Taiwan for a month and enjoyed myself and wanna go back again (which I will I promise)

And I found another job. Same line. Just another place with much better working hours, pay and benefits.

So when I went to see my future employer (who is very scary by the way) she said something that struck me: ‘Well, all in all, you have to believe in yourself.’

I heard that before from my previous employer, except in different words :’ Trust no one but yourself.’

And my retort to that (my thoughts la, I didn’t voice it out): ‘How if I don’t trust myself?’

So how? You know how you get all those feel-good cards or sayings, all telling you to believe in yourself etc etc etc.But then I always find it hard. Especially if the decisions you make may cost a life. Then how?

Then, you’d get the ‘Trust God’ – yah, but not all of us have that unwavering faith every second of the day, and hear God’s voice every single moment (especially during those adrenalin rush moments)

I suppose, where I am now, I am not to bad la huh? Made some mistakes, made big ones, small tiny ones..

I suppose I shouldn’t focus on the negatives. And no, I”m not trying to draw sympathy or encouragement.. I just need to remind myself that if God made me, I am ok and alright. 🙂

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Tired… Sick of it.

I dunno why I seem to be the only one with problems with my parents.

I know I should try to tolerate them.Be nice and u know etc etc etc. But obviously it’s not coming from my heart. Of course, I’m not wishing that anything bad to happen to them… but I really have been tolerating and my way of it is just avoidance. I keep quiet most of the time. I keep myself in my room most of the time. I only say the neccessary. It has come to a point where I look like a hermit. Which I am. There’s no point talking to them – one sweeps under the carpet, one tries to solve it by telling u what to do and then INSISTING you go do it her way….

But I’m stuck in between 2 people with totally different characters. And it’s really NOT easy. And best is, sometimes it’s my fault. I can’t take sides. I can’t complain. I can’t do basically anything.

Ask me why don’t try talking to them? They don’t listen. I have tried. It’s as if it’s all my fault – I should try to see beyond looking at myself. THAT’S THE PROBLEM. I have already come to a point where I just ok lor, you are correct, you have all the say.. I shall say nothing. AND I still get told it’s my fault. I keep quiet, it’s my fault, I say one JUST ONE SENTENCE I spark a shouting match, I try to confront it, my concerns get swept under the carpet. then what’s next? I go jump off the building, it’s my fault (ya lah, it’s my fault I jumped, they didnt ask me to)

I’m really sick of this. REALLY REALLY REALLY sick of it.

But what to do? Suck in my breath and then just tolerate again lor. Avoid lor.

My dad pissed me off BIG BIG TIME. I came home in the evening – mum’s not home. Dad’s hungry and annoyed. complains like shit. My mum – is stuck in PIE, after a long day’s work, came home to a highly annoyed father. And instead of helping dinner come to happen along, he just chose to complain and play games on the bloody stupid computer (which btw, has gone wonkers) and apparently my files are too big. (SEE? it’s my fault again)

I’m sick of serving a stupid bloody egoistic man who does NOTHING but complain. Want respect? Pls gain and earn it. It’s not going to happen if u shout. Seriously.best thing is, I can’t say this, not only a shouting match will happen may be it will spark a heart attack. what to do? TOLERATE LOR.

Dad complains about how mum is long winded. Does he know that he’s not any better? He has to say like 10 sentences before coming to the main point (which I have to try to bring him to that point if not would be 20 sentences)

Mum – upon hearing my complains about Dad gets pissed. FINE i’m not complaining ANYMORE.

Don’t blame me if i don’t talk anymore. Sometimes, I’d rather be at work then be at home. It’s just a building that houses my cats and me. FULL STOP.

I’m angry and that’s really an understatement.

Say I’m childish. say that I should sit in their shoes. I HAVE BEEN. but why NO ONE sits in MY SHOES?

It’s not a bout me anymore lah. I don’t care lah. I give up. I will just live here till I earn enough (and get wrinkled and raisined) and then move out. I have tolerated this for 20 years. I can’t take it anymore.

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A day in my life

I am so tired. My back aches, my heel is aching now I have no idea why.. and my finger is throbbing and you will know why later.

Today is a tiring week cos I have a 'almost everyday' work. If u don't know, I only work 4 days a week, so I have off days. Had to work on SUnday, Monday, Wednesday and THursday this week. So almost continuous days. 

My day starts like this.

830am  Wake up. Stone Make coffee. Watch TV and stone.

930am. Finish stoning. Drag myself up to shower. 

1015am. Drag myself out of house. walk to bus stop.

1130am Reach work. I usually reach earlier so I shop around… but meant to get to work at 1130am lah…..clean cages do treatments.

12pm-10pm Officially stated in Contract  work time..but obviously we don't leave at 10pm sharp cos theirs cages to clean and treatments to be done.

1030pm If I'm lucky, I get to leave.

1130pm Reach home if I leave at 1030pm. Any later will reach at about12 am cos the last bus leaves at 1130pm.

1am finally sleep.

Next day, wake up at 830am and it starts all over again.

And I'm on my feet ALL THE TIME. So, u can imagine why I'm so tired. 

Now, why is my finger throbbing? COs a dog BIT ME. I didn't do anything. i just opened the cage door. ANd it lunged straight at my hand.  Scaredy dog.

Ok. It's gonna rain and I better go.

Gotta post things to  this girl.

Bye bye!  

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Ache.

Aching all over.

Slept with a war raging in my tummy last night….now its coming back.

My shoulders ache. My joints hurt. What is wrong with me? Tick fever? Nope. Not feverish… *scratches scalp, checks down there* nope. No ticks. No dog lah how to have ticks?

achey lah.

latest update: got another phone call!!!

3 interviews…

muaahahahha.

k lah. got things to say…but my mum just came back and blabbered a whole lot of irrelevant things and now, being the scatterbrained I am, I forgot what I wanted to blog about.

Inspiration has to be caught at the right time know? Actually, not my mum's fault lah. After talking about stomachache, it felt right so I went up to do some big stuff.

hehe. talk bout details. I'm blabbering nonsense too!

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Nervous

Ok. I am freaking nervous.

Worse than going for my vivas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aargh. IF u would like to know HOW BLOODY nervous i was when i was doing my vivas aka oral exams. I just looked at the table if I could, or I looked at the floor…and I looked at SOMETHING ELSE lah..rather than the examiner…SO how to have confident look at my interviewer???????????????????!!!!

aaah.

best. Now, I've got 2 interviews.

haha.

at least someone wants me.

🙂

nervous nervous nervous.

*deep breath*

ok lah, shu ying. u passed all your oral exams…can one lah!

ok. if u say so.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

k.

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Frustrated

Ok.

I am very frustrated.

1. my mum CAN'T STOP NAGGING ME.

2. My mum has to say something per day to annoy the shits out of me.

3. My mum doesn't use the brain God has given her and she says REALLY dumb things just to please me. I hate that.

4. I just read my friendster……………………………………. haiyah. I knew it lah.

5. My aussie classmates have all become faceless. Except Trent cos he has afro hair and pretty eyes. and bloody long and curly eyelashes which most girls would die for. Even that him has become faceless which is good in a way.

6. NOBODY IN SINGAPORE WANTS TO HIRE ME. bloody hell.

7. My mum can't stop annoying me. It's her daily habit.

8. A cat followed me home today. Ok that is not frustrating…oh well. IT IS cos I can't really keep it. my parents will kill me…and him.

9. I am damn sleepy.

10. My mum takes 1 hour to prepare for a simple vegetable dish. while in that time, I can cook the vegetables and watch tv.

Ok the bottom line is. as always, my mum irritates me.

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Pek Cek

Pek cek.

Tell u. I have a mother that PANICKS at every single little thing. I know every single mother does. But my mother is SUPER panicky. And she goes into a frenzy till I can't even hear my thoughts.
Now, I am so angry at her…cos I can't stay calm in an event of disaster..(As if she is not creating another one)

ANd I am having the craziest cravings in the world – with these kind of phlegmy cough…I shouldn't be eating them:

– Shi Lin snacks XXXXL crispy chicken
– Nuggets, McChicken, Fries at Mackers
– Old Chang Kee Spring Roll and Gyoza
– Roast duck

Help me.

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