I think I’m crazy. I just signed up for 10k.
July 20, 2009
Just have to keep going…
Went for the Shape Run yesterday and it was good! Thought to myself probably get in last cos I was training properly at all.. with my debilitating backache – training was almost impossible… and when my backache got better (due to the miracles of tui na) it was probably 2 weeks to the run…
Anyways, then my big auntie decided to pay a visit the day beforet he run..so well. I thought I was goners but went anyway since I’ve paid…at the most I’d just end up being the last one! hahaha
So at a ‘bird don’t lay egg, dog don’t poop’ (niao bu shen dan, gou bu la shi) time, at 5am I crawled out of bed with a record time of 2 hrs of sleep, I went to run with an empty stomach cos I forgot my banana (so dumb!) Stomach was growling at the start point….anyways, I just jogged… and jogged.
Didn’t end up being last thanks to the substantial amt of people WALKING… I don’t understand why pay 35 bucks to walk… and I completed it without stopping! in my entire gym/life, the max distance I ran is 4.5km (cos either I’m dying of boredom and I get distracted or just tired lah) and when I got to the finish line.. it was fantastic…in fact I thought the run was too short! I think the threadmills at gym are inaccurate leh – maybe running more than what the disstance there says…
What I learnt from this is that I just had to keep going… almost 3/4’s of the way, I was SO tempted to stop to walk, but I kept telling myself, ‘Shu a lot of pple are walking, but that doesn’t mean you can, you have to just keep jogging, don’t stop.. just keep going…’ and frankly speaking, that was what was in my brain the whole entire way, I just kept telling myself to keep jogging…n it does reflect upon our lives right? You just have to keep going….no matter whether u have a stitch u have to keep going….
And I’m proud of myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Happy. So next year 10k! I’m going to conquer you! This time with proper training! I know I can do it!
June 22, 2009
My parents are driving me nuts.
I don’t want to sound like some ingrate or spoilt brat but my parents are REALLY driving me up the wall.
They are old and forgetful which is no fault of theirs of course…and I can bear with it… just remind them lor….. what to do?
My mum is overbearing and it drives me absolutely insane. She makes the decisions herself but yet at the same time asks for advice – when I already said no, she still will go ahead to do whatever and of course, inconveniencing us (that’s why i said no) this happens ALL THE TIME. daily activity of the ng family. I told her I will do my own laundry becos 1/ she doesn’t do it well and it’s still smelly..2/ and i don’t want her to become very busy – I’m taking a load off her as well. But obviously, this rule has gone through the ear and bypassed the brain somehow or rather and went out the other side.
It has come to a point where my attitude becomes – ok whatever she does, i will not praise it nor would I scold – I just bend myself or come to a compromise and avoid if i can. But somehow or rather, it’s still annoying me.
I’m not trying to be a spoilt idiot scolding my mum all the time. No one can understand actually cos no matter how much I say, – it’s my end of the story- and I make it sound like I am an ingrate spoilt and pampered. I’m lucky I have a mother etc etc etc that cooks for me lah, tries to do laundry.YES i know i’m extremely blessed to have a mum around when some don’t.. but living with her has pushed me back into a shell which I only come out once in a while…
I am totally antisocial because I don’t like being smothered. I just want to live with myself. Much as I do not want to say it, but truely, it’s because of my mother. (and father sometimes)
it bothers me so much being so smothered by my mother – i don’t want to get another person next to me. My personal space has become so huge – I just push people away…. I don’t think anyone would understand. but my mother really wants to ‘guan’ everything which ANNOYS me a lot….
When I was young, I wanted to join gymnastics – obviously I got a no from her. I always wanted long hair when I was in primary school – nope. I had many barbie dolls as presents but all were given away… best thing is… when I tried to tell my mum that it does matter she actualyl said ‘why u still remember all these?’ BECAUSE IT MATTERS! and obviously i left it at that cos she didn’t even want to know why i brought it up in the first place.
Why? Because I’m really sick of her trying to control my life – which i do small things like dye my hair which she absolutely hates… I respect her so I haven’t ran away from home ( and i have no money lah)
There are many times i tried to bring it up but she keeps thinking tat i’m bringing up a topic because of what is happening NOW but what I want to say is general.. she STILL DOESN’T get it…
my dad has just learnt to shut up and sweep everything under the carpet. which i don’t blame him.
I forgot my mum’s bossy too..which haiyah sometimes i do the opposite of what she orders me to do… when I feel childish.
Dad’s just very very LONGWINDED. listening to him is like listening to a lecture – main points then must elaborate why this why that as if I’m a 2 yr old kid… then i just let him go on and on and on.. but actually I’m quite busy doign laundry or have things to do..he just happens to bring up some stupid topic at the wrong time.
He doesnt’ listen – as in listen to what u just said – and then best thing is he can pretend that he heard it…. ask him to repeat cannot. Best thing is he has to right as all guys have to be, and so when I say a fact he just sweeps it off and he must repeat it as if HE IS THE ONE who stated it not me… so after a while i just shut up.
Both of them has caused me to shut up. seriously. i don’t mean to sound bad but i really see no point in trying to open up, just have a casual talk (which ends up in a one-sided conversation which is my dad talking or mum lah). I know that they just want to spend time with me.. but seriously, I don’t feel that they respect, esp mum, that I am a human being with my opinions as well that need to be heard as well. I don’t need my opinions to be right but i need to be respected… as a human being. SMART one.. cos my mum thinks i’m dumb (cos of all her instructions that r very detailed)…. hahaha
I still spend time with them but only talk the neccessary… yesterday I was SOOOOOOOO angry i didn’t speak a word…
Oh well. only way out of this is to get married —- which is near impossible.. then i get another set of parents!!! oh no!! right.
June 8, 2009
ok i need to be more consistent eh?
THe title says it all.
But really I haven’t had anything exciting. Besides work and gym and trying to prepare for my 5km run of which i am going to DIE DIE DIE… cos I can’t run 2.4 km now on the threadmill before getting bored… hehe. I need to get out there running! Maybe next off day I will go to ECP or Mac ritchie…
I cleared my room – and now its messy again HA. haha. Think maintenence is very difficult for me. I either mess it up all the way then clear one shot..i can’t seem to keep it in a state of ‘neatness.’
Oh well. it will hopefully be not raining on that day!
May 9, 2009
I don’t think name-calling, or saying that one has a low EQ is having a high EQ in the first place.
A person of ok standard emotional intelligence would be able to control his/her emotions in times of stress and not over react or start calling people (whom they are upset with) names.
DA ren bu ji xiao ren guo.
Go figure if u read this.
May 5, 2009
Misunderstood… yet again
HAIYAH. Seems like hor. There’s this really big banner written all over my forehead: ‘Please misunderstand me.’
If my words you have read wrongly – I’m sorry.
If you are very stressed – I can only say – try to relax but I’m not sorry. Because no one is the world is not stressed. Even tai tais and the homeless are stressed.I face tremendous stress EVERYday (including off days cos I worry for my hospitalised cases) i work in a pressure cooker, I deal with life and death. Pls don’t come telling me you are stressed and you have every right to be nasty.
If you have been bearing with me – I am sorry but I didn’t know that. You could have told me nicely. I’m cool with it. I can always find accomodation.
If you didn’t really want to pass the PR documents to me- I’m sorry then.
If you didn’t want to help me with the PR – then tell me – I can cope on my own. and thank you for offering the help.
If you think that having someone’s hand go up and down your back and poking you is totally fine – I’m sorry that I offended your mother that day after a long time with bearing with it. As I said I should hv voiced it out nicely then.Even my best friend or mother or father or anyone the closest to me doesn’t do that.
If you think that I’m intruding your space while I’m there – I’m sorry for doing so. but don’t fret, I’m not going to.
If you think I was going to be rude to your landlady and not nice to your landlady – I’m sorry but u r wrong, I wasn’t planning to do so and I was planning to give her a token sum of at least 150 bucks.
If you think you r going to be stressed – it’s ok, cos i’m not going to be there.
IF you think having a fight like this is worth risking a friendship – then ok lor.
I’m sorry that I have been forthcoming and myself with you. I shouldn’t have and I should just keep to myself. I allowed myself to be myself when I didn’t see it coming – that I shouldn’t be- oh well. It’s my fault. My defenses I let down too fast. I should have behaved like I was talking to someone that I still can’t trust. Someone I thought wouldn’t accept me as who I am.
It’s not that easy to get chummy with me. My personal space is HUGE. But well, you haven’t invaded into it yet.
So many I’m sorry’’s already. can or not?
I’m upset obviously.
Don’t judge me for what I say and do – I can be very nasty and nastier than what u have seen.And I also can be very sweet and nice (although I’m puking inside) I can act that way as well.
You know what. WHATEVER LAH.
April 29, 2009
I’m still here…but barely.
Just an update that I’m still alive…but barely. I’m just hanging on by a piece of thread. work has been CRAZY. and crazy seems to be an understatement.
Ok. gotta go. still at work. hanging there. looking VERY forward to the aussie trip… …
March 26, 2009
was reading some blogs which inspired me to write – i seldom update cos I have no inspiration and I’m lazy.
Few months ago, a friend from Australia came down for a short visit enroute to Thailand for a mission trip and so we had a gathering and of course, some old friends that I had while in Australia came along.
And of course, there was this person whom I couldn’t (and I dunno abt now) seem to ‘get over’ I cant find a word for that…forgive? I don’t think so. She kept pestering me why and of course I wouldn’t tell her because she didn’t change.
we went to the gym once – we found out we have been going to the same gym and there was this incident – actually very small little things that brought me to the conclusion that she was still the same. Well, she left all her wet towels just on the platform without considering that other people need to use it (sometimes I wonder if she’s a man stuck in a woman’s body like me) totally insensitive. But it has always been like that… so I tend to just close one eye…singaporean habit what to do?
Since I finished showering way before her, I went down to the carpark to dump my stuff in the car before coming back up to meet her for lunch. Before I progress, she wanted to come late morning (while I like to go to the gym mid afternoon) and of course lah, she was late. WHat has changed? And being such a nice person, I compromised and said ok to the late afternoon – knowing that I would have gone to bed like in 2-3am in the morning and crawl out of bed at 9am barely awake, just to meet the ‘demands’ of this person that was ALWAYS like that. I can’t protest, – she would just try her marketing skills with smile and smile and tons of smiles over to push me into saying yes (Right now, I can almost hear her protests – of course it’s not pushing… it’s just coaxing..persuading whatever word you would like to call it.. but anyways, feelings of the poor victim are never considered anyway – victim compromises) DAMN! Why was I so weak again?
Anyway, so ok, I went back up to the gym, she came out after 5 min of waiting which was fine, then DEMANDED that I go down to the carpark with her AGAIN. I told her it was really really inefficient, why don’t I go to the restaurant to meet her? right. Apparently, inefficient was the wrong word to use. Apparently the walk to the lift lobby, then in the lift and out the lift and to the car was quality time spent. RIGHT. right right. What did we say then? I can’t even remember. COME ON LAH. I don’t need to spend that 10 min going up and down saying stupid small talk. that’s NOT quality time nor conversation. And of course, needless to say, throughout lunch was another talk about u know oh, how I learnt to spend more time etc etc, not to be impatient. And there I was sitting in my seat, controlling myself not to scream at her…. YAH. QUALITY TIME SPENT WITH YOU TALKING ALL THE TIME. Didn’t someone teach u, quality time spent- is 2 sided?
ANd that was the issue all the time, from years back. No listening, just preaching. even if I get to say something, it just goes through to the other ear. It has always been MY PROBLEM, and that I HAD A PROBLEM to fix. Sorry, but being a choleric doesn’t give you the passport to fix things. True, i do understand that we aren’t the most sensitive people of all – but surely u know that your brain is in between your ears and mouth – so whatever words go into your ears should go through your brain first? and then out in the mouth… not the other side.
Of course I had my fair share of ranting against her beautiful church building – that at least she listened. But to be fair, i didn’t share much cos I know it would never be just listening but preaching AGAIN. and come on, to make me share what’s inside me is more difficult then breaking a rock into small pieces using your bare hands man. Even my best friend doesn’t know what I think. After that, no more meetings which I was more than happy to continue living my life.
If you are reading this, I’m sure u know who I’m talking about and who I’m referring to. I don’t hate you but I don’t think it’s possible that the 2 of us would get along cos I can probably never think that you would listen and seek to understand. And if u even do, that you don’t seek to fix it. sometimes, when people share/rant, they just want a listening ear…and not a pastor to preach in front of us all the time…
DOn’t get upset – I’m not all out to hurt u or stab you or whatever, I’m just trying to rant it all out – at least this blog doesn’t preach to me. You wanted to know why? I tell you why… because you just go ahead with your agenda and whatever you want to fix, but even if you slow down ten paces and spend quality time, it’s still the same – you are not listening or seeking to understand.
The lunch reinforced it.
You can say I’m stubborn lah, not open lah etc etc whatever lah. Seriously, then I gave it another chance, I thought that maybe things would have changed, I may be a bit unfair to you then – but whatever that was done/said during the few meetings we had – it just brought it back all over again. I’m not angry.. because as long as I don’t have to face it all the time like in brissie, I’m fine. I don’t want to be super selfish and demand that people HAVE TO UNDERSTAND me before I crack my hard shell – that’s selfish… but if one doesn’t seek to understand then why waste my breath?
I’m not feeling any better. hehe.
I’m not bitter.
I just want to live my life alone. HA.
impossible lah.
but i don’t need someone to preach to me.
Neither do I need anyone to understand me.
Don’t come all lovey dovey and say you care but all you want to do is fix me.
I don’t want to keep looking at me myself and I.
So the poor little animals out there, I will choose to look at you and help you.
I was told animals don’t go to heaven.
Even if they don’t – I’m sure there is THEIR kind of heaven that they go to. macy must be sitting in the sun right now.
Why choose to be a vet?
Because I love animals. Are you satisfied with the answer?
Animals are helpless.
Not like humans whom some are selfish bastards. they know how to pop panadol what.
and they are selfless. better than some.
And they listen. without preaching back to you. 
Ok that paragraph was totally random.. time to go to the gym to run it all out!
