was reading some blogs which inspired me to write – i seldom update cos I have no inspiration and I’m lazy.
Few months ago, a friend from Australia came down for a short visit enroute to Thailand for a mission trip and so we had a gathering and of course, some old friends that I had while in Australia came along.
And of course, there was this person whom I couldn’t (and I dunno abt now) seem to ‘get over’ I cant find a word for that…forgive? I don’t think so. She kept pestering me why and of course I wouldn’t tell her because she didn’t change.
we went to the gym once – we found out we have been going to the same gym and there was this incident – actually very small little things that brought me to the conclusion that she was still the same. Well, she left all her wet towels just on the platform without considering that other people need to use it (sometimes I wonder if she’s a man stuck in a woman’s body like me) totally insensitive. But it has always been like that… so I tend to just close one eye…singaporean habit what to do?
Since I finished showering way before her, I went down to the carpark to dump my stuff in the car before coming back up to meet her for lunch. Before I progress, she wanted to come late morning (while I like to go to the gym mid afternoon) and of course lah, she was late. WHat has changed? And being such a nice person, I compromised and said ok to the late afternoon – knowing that I would have gone to bed like in 2-3am in the morning and crawl out of bed at 9am barely awake, just to meet the ‘demands’ of this person that was ALWAYS like that. I can’t protest, – she would just try her marketing skills with smile and smile and tons of smiles over to push me into saying yes (Right now, I can almost hear her protests – of course it’s not pushing… it’s just coaxing..persuading whatever word you would like to call it.. but anyways, feelings of the poor victim are never considered anyway – victim compromises) DAMN! Why was I so weak again?
Anyway, so ok, I went back up to the gym, she came out after 5 min of waiting which was fine, then DEMANDED that I go down to the carpark with her AGAIN. I told her it was really really inefficient, why don’t I go to the restaurant to meet her? right. Apparently, inefficient was the wrong word to use. Apparently the walk to the lift lobby, then in the lift and out the lift and to the car was quality time spent. RIGHT. right right. What did we say then? I can’t even remember. COME ON LAH. I don’t need to spend that 10 min going up and down saying stupid small talk. that’s NOT quality time nor conversation. And of course, needless to say, throughout lunch was another talk about u know oh, how I learnt to spend more time etc etc, not to be impatient. And there I was sitting in my seat, controlling myself not to scream at her…. YAH. QUALITY TIME SPENT WITH YOU TALKING ALL THE TIME. Didn’t someone teach u, quality time spent- is 2 sided?
ANd that was the issue all the time, from years back. No listening, just preaching. even if I get to say something, it just goes through to the other ear. It has always been MY PROBLEM, and that I HAD A PROBLEM to fix. Sorry, but being a choleric doesn’t give you the passport to fix things. True, i do understand that we aren’t the most sensitive people of all – but surely u know that your brain is in between your ears and mouth – so whatever words go into your ears should go through your brain first? and then out in the mouth… not the other side.
Of course I had my fair share of ranting against her beautiful church building – that at least she listened. But to be fair, i didn’t share much cos I know it would never be just listening but preaching AGAIN. and come on, to make me share what’s inside me is more difficult then breaking a rock into small pieces using your bare hands man. Even my best friend doesn’t know what I think. After that, no more meetings which I was more than happy to continue living my life.
If you are reading this, I’m sure u know who I’m talking about and who I’m referring to. I don’t hate you but I don’t think it’s possible that the 2 of us would get along cos I can probably never think that you would listen and seek to understand. And if u even do, that you don’t seek to fix it. sometimes, when people share/rant, they just want a listening ear…and not a pastor to preach in front of us all the time…
DOn’t get upset – I’m not all out to hurt u or stab you or whatever, I’m just trying to rant it all out – at least this blog doesn’t preach to me. You wanted to know why? I tell you why… because you just go ahead with your agenda and whatever you want to fix, but even if you slow down ten paces and spend quality time, it’s still the same – you are not listening or seeking to understand.
The lunch reinforced it.
You can say I’m stubborn lah, not open lah etc etc whatever lah. Seriously, then I gave it another chance, I thought that maybe things would have changed, I may be a bit unfair to you then – but whatever that was done/said during the few meetings we had – it just brought it back all over again. I’m not angry.. because as long as I don’t have to face it all the time like in brissie, I’m fine. I don’t want to be super selfish and demand that people HAVE TO UNDERSTAND me before I crack my hard shell – that’s selfish… but if one doesn’t seek to understand then why waste my breath?
I’m not feeling any better. hehe.
I’m not bitter.
I just want to live my life alone. HA.
impossible lah.
but i don’t need someone to preach to me.
Neither do I need anyone to understand me.
Don’t come all lovey dovey and say you care but all you want to do is fix me.
I don’t want to keep looking at me myself and I.
So the poor little animals out there, I will choose to look at you and help you.
I was told animals don’t go to heaven.
Even if they don’t – I’m sure there is THEIR kind of heaven that they go to. macy must be sitting in the sun right now.
Why choose to be a vet?
Because I love animals. Are you satisfied with the answer?
Animals are helpless.
Not like humans whom some are selfish bastards. they know how to pop panadol what.
and they are selfless. better than some.
And they listen. without preaching back to you. 
Ok that paragraph was totally random.. time to go to the gym to run it all out! 
