I want to rant.
September 5, 2008
STOP BEING SO LAZY
STOP TRYING TO BE A SMART ALEC BUT ACTUALLY YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING
STOP TRYING TO BE A GURU WHEN U CAN’T EVEN HOLD A FIERCE CAT DOWN ( AND THAT WAS HOW I GOT BITTEN)
EVEN U COULDN’T HELP IT, THEN JUST SHUT YOUR BLARDEE MOUTH UP WILL DO U VERY WELL.
STOP PRETENDING U R DAMN BUSY BUT U R JUST HANGING ARD DOING NOTHING WHILE THE REST ARE DOING THE TREATMENTS FOR YOU.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO.
THANK GOODNESS U R LEAVING.
GOOD LUCK TO YOUR FUTURE COLLEAGUES. I WONDER HOW U R GOING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT. THROUGH ALL THE LOOPHOLES IN THE WORLD. CAN’T GO FAR CAN YA?
NO FREE LUNCHES ALL THE TIME MA’M .
Protected: …password=hanyu pinyin name without space
August 11, 2008
Tired….
July 31, 2008
I don’t know what I’m slogging for already.
Everything is meaningless….
Should I or should I not?
oh man.
July 23, 2008
I’m still at work. It’s 1122pm.
i am now VERY VERY SLEEPY.
WHAT AM I DOING?
Protected: tired - same password as below
July 23, 2008
Quarter life crisis?
July 1, 2008
Past the quarter life mark…but I suppose yep. Got bitten by the cat, have 2 weeks MC, sitting at home, brewing this horrible PMS isn’t helping.
Been re-thinking my life of late. Yep. All thanks to the cat. Been thinking of my job, where I’m heading… it became depressing cos at one stage, I didn’t want to work anymore. Underpaid, over worked - what for? But deep inside I know that I go anywhere I still get paid the same. Vets are SERIOUSLY underpaid. I thought of what I was going to do then besides being a vet… hmmm. go work for the gar-men, stable, garmen benefits. But am I going to be bored I think. and besides, my dad will flip. up the ceiling and down again. (but that is not a factor lah..he’s pissed, he’s pissed. I can deal with that)
And the conclusion of all that depressive thoughts? Nothing. Zilch. I don’t know what I am going to do…yet.
Ok, so I have been thinking, ‘Better go back to church…God’s gonna kill me.’ (not true lah… ) and since I finally have a Sunday free, thought I go visit a church I have been eyeing,…. best thing was, I don’t even know what denomination it was…. hahaha.
So Sunday comes, doll myself up a bit but still with my simple top, jeans and sandals (standard uniform of yours truly) I troop up to church, took the last row, last seat. Noticed the hymnal ( and thought, ‘oh oh… hymns) Never mind. I was early, like for a good 20 min (its called underestimate the bus) so I sat down, read the pamphlet. Then they started prayer…. ok… then in the midst, the chair person started to say that while at his quiet time, God dropped a verse in his heart and it was meant for those in the congregation, who was pondering about their future - whether at work, studies or just general life. ANd of course yours truly, from half stoning became a ‘THAT’S ME!!’ WOO HOO! First time back to church in a VERY LONG time, and God wants to speak to me? Wah. Very zun lei Mr God…. 
Turns up the verse was from Jeremiah 29:11
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’
Church service ended up being quite enjoyable. The person next to me knew I was a first time visitor but didn’t push or didn’t really bother me. I like!!! Felt totally refreshed, as if my burden of the uncertainty of what I am going to do in the future was lifted my shoulders. Frankly, I still don;t know, but I know it will all end up being ok. Will go back this week, maybe Sat cos Sun I am working and I have to rush like mad if I attend Sunday’s service.
So, now? Am feeling really good, refreshed. Got my week sort of planned out..
On the lighter note, my finger’s kapooped. Gone. Can’t bend it very well. - ah. that’s another reason for depressive thoughts. Doctor was like, ‘ if I were you, i will be VERY WORRIED. and I am NOT KIDDING.’ then, I was not happy, depressed so I was like, ‘ok lor. plan A dont work, plan B lor.’ which Plan B is nothing. oh well. I knocked it AGAIN (after being knocked by this lady at the Zara sale - so much space she still have to knock into me) SO PAINFUL. actually, i don’t think this is any lighter… hehe.
I had a funny dream last night. I dreamt that I was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???
I had a husband who is faceless, emotionless. I remember Charlene telling me to put powder on my body (for what I have no idea), I remember my auntie being happy and my mother panicking like mad. And me, still having question marks cos I don’t remember doing anything to have a baby! I was just thinking, ‘oh no wonder no period, bad mood and tummy that keeps getting bloated..’ The PMS this time must be really bad. and of course I forced my self to wake up at 730am. hahahahaha. too many people around me are preggie lah.
wierd. Mia’s gone. I woke up this morning and this feeling of sadness ( the same kind when I leave for Brisbane) was there for a bit…. then I told myself 16 days only what. ahahha.
Ok. Going to stop typing. QUite a feat typing without the index finger - keep replacing ‘i’ with ‘u’ and the j and k. ANNOYING.
Welcome to my world
June 25, 2008
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like, what it’s like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it’s like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Yup. Again. *Sheepish look* Got bitten again and allowed my finger to be opened up again… long story, u wanna know about it? You shout me dinner, I will be glad to tell you.
So of course, there were things that I pondered about, did, while lying in bed, if not at the day room….
1. Day room - very impt if u r not in A class ward. It provides the impt gadget called the television. But you prob only watch those soapy dramas about who cheated who, or some big hero wanting to revenge his parents’ death…. it also provides a getaway from other patients, provides some privacy (if u r alone in the room).
2. I have come to realised that in every ward, there is always a nasty or very demanding patient. Only my 2nd time but its a good enuf observation. True, she has a nasty external fixator (looks extremely painful) but she keeps whining about how the nurses don’t pay enough attention and calls EVERY doctor to look at her that walks by even though he/she isn’t her attending doc.
3. I wonder why some nurses wear pants and some wear a dress. And why does it need to be so figure hugging?
4. I wondered why that Filipino diagonally opposite me, who looked quite unwell and in pain, has to draw her eyebrows everyday, wear her dangly ear rings (even immediately after her op).. and then realised that because 3 different guys visit her everyday. Lucky her.
5. I am thankful for my healthy parents that are not like those around me - sick and bedridden. Although my mum seems to be the right candidate for breaking her leg…must nag her to eat her calcium tablets more…
6. The doctor asked me, ‘So have you decided whether you are going to touch them (cats) again?’ (I did make a passing remark abt not touching cats for a month - don’t ask me why) ANd my answer was I’m still touching cats, I was just not careful to get bitten! Careless!
7. Its not easy to type without your right pointing finger.
8. Oh, and if I can help it - NO LOCAL FOR MY PATIENTS. It’s very very very painful. Ok la, my pain tolerance is almost zero.
9. Nurses are angels. Treat them nice, they treat u nice. APplies to patients and also to doctors/vets.
10. I put on weight. Boo. and also drank a record number of cups of coffee (cos nothing to do/drink)
11. Also slept record number of hours. Becos also nothing to do. I slept at 8pm last nite, woke up at midnight for IV antibiotics, fell asleep again prob 1 hr later, woke up at 6 am for the next IV and fell asleep at 8 am after brekkie only to be woken up by the doctor doing his rounds at around 10 am. 11 hrs. fwah. and i still feel sleepy.
12. And how can I forget? Look at doctors that walk in..and immediately spotted a cute one…only to realised he was the cute guy in lectures during JC…. hahaha. The world is a bit too small…
13. Last but not least, I’m thankful for the flowers that my boss sent, and thankful to Mia and Dave, who bought me my order of Happy Meal and the figurine of Po from Kungfu panda….
14. And thanks in advance to Mia, who is sending me over this coming Monday for my stitch up. You are my bestest friend…. I will accompany u to your doc’s appt on Tuesday ok?
A bit better
June 13, 2008
Well, feeling a little bit better - got into the swing into things at work. Back to craziness-land!! 14 hrs work isn’t fun when you have a kitten to feed in the middle of the night………….. I thought I just closed my eyes and then why am I at work again?
DOn’t feel its worth sleeping in during my off days - cos its a time when I finally get a time to be with myself and do stuff more productive than sleeping.
Hehe. And then I’m a walking disaster. I dropped the moving clippers while trying to shave some fur off a cat who moved, and somehow or rather the clipper dropped and I cut my self 1 cm short of my old wound! This morning this crazy cat decided that scratching me would be a good thing from stopping him from touching his sore private part. so now I have 2 scratches 1 cm on the right of my old wound. and one 2cm scratch on top of my old wound… My poor right arm. 
That’s not all! GOt many many small scratches on my RIGHT hand. and best thing is I’m left handed. I hold the needle when taking blood with my right hand though. I’m ok, as long as it doesn’t go swollen again…
Stopped thinking already cos I’m pretty distracted with a lot of things…at work mostly. Started going back to the gym once my stitches were out..so trying to get my stamina and the feeling of taut and tight muscles back…I love the feeling of having the tight muscles or sore muscle after a good workout! TO think the last time, I hated PE lessons.
Ok gotta go. Will update later.
